


I'll Be There

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 11:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19250224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: After the rescue, Alex falls apart. Anne finds her in the rain. Spoilers for the most recent story quests.





	I'll Be There

Alex had expected this to feel different. They all had, really. They’d all been expecting some big, sweet, sappy reunion, the only dark cloud being Concorde’s loss and helping Anne readjust to life on Jorvik, or any potential Pandorian sickness.

None of them had expected it to all go so horribly wrong.

But Alex was never one to stay in her room when she was upset. No, Alex had to fight. Had to punch something or someone, or go for a run or a ride. She just had to get out, get out of her own head, she couldn’t dwell, refused to. If she dwelled on it, she’d fall apart. Just like she had when Anne had first disappeared, or back even further, when she’d almost killed that boy. That one memory stayed with her forever, never leaving, no matter how much she might want it to. Elizabeth had said that the memory was good, serving as something to ground Alex, to remind her of what could happen if she lost control. Not that it had really worked. The only anchor that Alex had had on herself was gone now, shattered into a million shining pink crystal pieces in front of her.

Thunder rumbled as Anne reached the Abbey outside of Fort Pinta and dismounted Summerflower, who she was still borrowing from her family’s stables. Concorde, as ever, was at her side. Even when Anne didn’t want her to be. But, seeing the lone figure of Alex Cloudmill standing alone in the rain with her back to Anne, looking out over the water, Anne motioned for her tiny Soul Horse to stay back.

“Ma!” Concorde bleated after her. Anne glared at her.

“I’m just going over there,” Anne whispered down to the petulant filly, gesturing to Alex. Concorde whinnied and Anne looked behind her, hoping that Alex hadn’t heard. The lone figure hadn’t moved, though. That wasn’t good. “Fine! Just keep out of my way.” The words were still whispered as Anne grabbed her umbrella from her saddlebag, not that it would help given the ride here had drenched her, and started across to where Alex stood close to the edge of the cliff behind the half-ruined church.

Had Alex been anyone else, Anne would have worried about what standing so close to the edge of the cliff meant. But Alex Cloudmill was no quitter. No matter how dark the darkness got, she’d never give in. Not like that. Not even after losing the closest thing she had to a mother figure.

“Alex?” Anne called once she was close enough. Alex didn’t appear to hear her, though she did turn to look at Anne after the umbrella overhead stopped the rain from drumming against the beanie that now resembled a drowned rat.

“Anne?” said Alex. Her voice was softer than usual. Almost a little hoarse. Anne nodded at her, though. Her scars were burning again now that the rain wasn’t cooling them down, but she ignored it. Alex was more important right now.

“You always were terrible at remembering an umbrella or rain poncho,” said Anne. 

“Maybe I like being emo and standing in the rain,” said Alex, but she didn’t move out from under the umbrella. She shivered, though.

“I’m glad that you remembered that,” said Anne, giving her a faint smile. “Those were simpler days.”

“Yeah,” said Alex. She swallowed. “Before everything went to shit.”

“Everything went to shit, as you say, the moment an ancient creation goddess chose us as her new coterie,” said Anne.

“Jorvegian, please,” said Alex. Anne laughed.

“The moment we were chosen as Aideen’s army, then,” said Anne. She shook her head. “Gosh, I sound like Linda sometimes.”

“Well, you only spent most of high school with her,” said Alex.

“Do I detect a note of jealousy, Alex Cloudmill?” Anne teased.

“Just a note,” said Alex with a roll of her eyes. Anne was glad that Alex was talking, that was a definite improvement from standing in sullen silence in the rain. But… they could only avoid the issue for so long.

“I miss her too, you know,” said Anne. At once, Alex’s playful demeanour vanished, and Anne felt guilt clench her insides that she’d ruined Alex’s mood so quickly.

“I’m sorry,” said Alex.

“Sorry?” Anne repeated. “Why would you be sorry, Alex?”

“Because it’s my fault!” said Alex, staring at her with grey eyes that almost seemed to mirror the sky above. “If I hadn’t been so stupid, she’d still be here! Wouldn’t she?!”

“What? No! No, this isn’t your fault, Alex, none of this is your fault,” said Anne, taking one of Alex’s hands in her free hand. Alex wrenched it away, but not before Anne felt a spark. So it was still there. Even after everything, after their breakup at the end of high school, after Anne had been trapped in Pandoria for so long, that spark was still there. But she quickly squashed that thought. She and Alex could talk about their relationship later. This was far more important right now.

“Oh yeah?” Alex challenged, colour rising to her cheeks as fresh tears rolled down them. “If I hadn’t run back in there trying to play the damn hero, Elizabeth would still be alive!”

“You didn’t kill her, Alex, Darko did!” Anne shot back. “Just like Sabine killed my Concorde, just like Katja was indirectly responsible for you almost killing that boy. They all need to pay for what they’ve done.”

Alex was silent. Everything was silent but for the sound of wind through the trees, of rain on the umbrella, of their own breathing, of the soft noises of Summerflower and Concorde some distance behind them. Of a horse splashing through a puddle as someone rode past on the road leading somewhere.

“You’ve changed, Anne,” said Alex. She looked… frightened? Her eyes were certainly wide, and she leaned away from Anne a little.

“Pandoria changed me,” said Anne. “Being alone changed me. And I know that wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t even Lisa’s fault. It was all Dark Core. They’re the ones who captured me, who tortured me, who put me in that place where all I wanted to do was sleep or die. That stuff changes a person, Alex. And I am done with being the scared little heiress, the scared, precious little princess. I’m done. No more Miss Prissy Little Princess. This princess is finally going to fight back.”

“Damn,” said Alex. “I didn’t even think…”

“You’re not the only one in the group who can kick butt anymore, Alex,” said Anne. “You have competition.”

“I wish I could be more excited about that,” said Alex with a sigh. “But all I can think about is that… it should’ve been me. I went after Darko, and I didn’t expect to come back. It was my own stupid decision.”

“Concorde would still be alive if not for me,” said Anne. “I think about that every day. I know he reincarnated but it’s just not the same. He sacrificed himself for me, thinking that it’d work. Only, it didn’t. Losing him hurt worse than anything I’d ever felt before. It made it so easy for them to catch me. He died for nothing, Alex. But Elizabeth died for something. She died so that we could carry on, so that we can defeat Dark Core. If she hadn’t done what she did, Darko probably would have done that to you and then escaped through the portal to us. He could have destroyed us all.”

“Yeah, maybe,” said Alex. 

“Or we could have lost you,” said Anne. “And I know you think you’re not that important but you are. You are so important, Alex. We need a warrior, and I may want to fight everyone now but I’m still nothing compared to you.”

“Elizabeth told you that, huh?” Alex asked, her voice watery. Anne nodded.

“But it never made me treat you any differently,” said Anne. “I wanted to help you be strong, to help you be better. Elizabeth actually tried to urge us to compete with each other, I think. And looking at you now, hearing about how well you fought… it paid off. Everything that Elizabeth has ever done has been for you. For us. For the good of Jorvik.”

“Why did she have to die, though?” Alex asked, her voice barely there from tears. “She should have had her whole life ahead of her, she could have organised some other, strong people to fight with her so she wouldn’t have to fight alone.”

“With the Keepers of Light half dead from Sabine? We didn’t exactly have any strong warriors left, Alex. But she didn’t even hesitate, she just ran in after you as soon as we discovered that you weren’t there,” said Anne. “I would have followed her but, well, I couldn’t really get my legs under me.”

“I don’t even know if she had any family,” Alex whispered.

“The Keepers were her family,” said Anne. “You were like a daughter to her, the daughter that she felt like she couldn’t have because of everything that was happening.”

“She was like a mother to me too,” said Alex. Anne could hear Alex’s heart breaking in her voice. “I never told her, though. I should’ve told her, but… fuck, I’ve always been the worst at expressing my emotions. I never tell you guys how much I love you as friends, I never tell my mama how much I love her, I never tell James, hell, I never told you enough.”

“She knows,” said Anne, taking Alex’s hand again. This time, Alex didn’t pull it away. “She knew you loved her like a mother. And she was so proud of you.” Alex held Anne’s gaze, tears in her eyes. Distantly, Anne noticed that it had stopped raining. She set the umbrella to the side, closing it up with the ease of one who did it often.

“I think she said that,” Alex whispered. “Before she… you know…”

“I wish we could grieve,” said Anne. “But the trouble of being in a war is that there’s no time to grieve. All we can do is push forward. Keep fighting. We can’t let Dark Core win, especially now, especially after all that they’ve taken from us. I’m still completely torn up about the old Concorde but I can’t even grieve him. And the worst part is that most of the druids see it as a non-issue. Concorde isn’t dead, he’s still alive, he’s that filly over there. But it’s not the same.” Anne was breathing a little harder now, her shoulders heaving, tears stinging as they ran over her scar. “Nobody knows what that feels like, to lose half of yourself and then get it back later but it just feels so wrong.”

“And here I am acting like I’m the only one with problems,” said Alex. Anne shook her head.

“No, Alex, you’re allowed to suffer, you’re allowed to grieve,” said Anne. “But we can’t fall apart now. We’re weak now, we’ve lost one of our leaders. This is when Dark Core would strike us. Remember how they did that after they took me? Remember how they literally did that to me?”

“What ever happened to the ladylike girl from high school?” Alex asked.

“Ladies don’t start fights,” said Anne. She smirked. “But they can finish them.” Alex gaped at her.

“Did you seriously just quote Aristocats at me?” Alex asked. Anne gave her a silly little smile and a wink, and she saw on Alex’s face that that had done something to her.

“I used to be a kid too once,” said Anne. “Though I heard Lisa say that watching kid’s movies helped her get over her ordeal. And get closer to the girl she ended up marrying.”

“You really have changed,” said Alex. “But let’s… revisit ‘us’ later, okay? When we have a moment to catch our breath.”

“How the tables have turned,” Anne mused. “From the warrior to the leader. From the leader to the warrior.”

“I don’t think I could ever lead as well as you,” said Alex.

“Really? I heard that you led some rescue missions while I was gone,” said Anne. “Those turned out well.”

“Pity I couldn’t lead the mission to rescue you,” said Alex. “Or Lisa.”

“By Aideen, Alex, you never were any good at accepting compliments,” said Anne.

“Well, excuse me if I don’t usually get my ego stroked by everyone around me,” said Alex. Anne’s lips curved into a lazy smirk.

“That can be arranged,” said Anne. Alex blushed, looking away from her. It was too soon, definitely. Maybe, in the future. But right now, Alex needed Anne as a friend, a shoulder to cry on. And Anne would do her best to be there for her. Her, and everyone involved in this mess of a situation. They could only get through this together. Even if a tiny part of Anne very much wanted to march over to Dark Core and burn it all to the seabed.


End file.
